This is a message from the MTA New York City Transit.
2 trains will be running on the 5 line between E 180 St and Dyre Av.
5 trains will be running on the 2 line between E 180 St and Wakefield-241 St.
3 trains have never stopped anywhere near E 180 St and will continue to not do so.
4 trains will be skipping odd numbered stops on even numbered days of the month and even numbered stops on prime numbered days of the month. They are also not running on the weekends.
1 trains will not be running on weeknights, but they will be sitting at 14 St if you would like to stop by and say hello.
E trains will be running on the F line.
F trains will skip stations that begin with the letter “E”.
G trains are not running at all. If this affects your commute, you should reconsider some of your life choices.
Uptown A trains are running downtown between 59 St and 125 St. Don’t ask.
Did you know there are actually three shuttle trains? One of them is in Brooklyn!
The C train was just thinking that it hasn’t seen you in a while. Did you switch jobs or something? You should give it a call when you get a chance.
Because of construction, Q trains will be wearing cute little hard hats. Aww! They are also running with delays.
The X train still does not exist.
Staten Island still exists.
The 7 train is sorry that it’s been kind of flaky; it’s just not looking for anything serious right now.
Because of a signal malfunction, uptown 6 trains have forgotten where they’re supposed to go. Does anyone remember?
Because of an ongoing investigation, passengers are encouraged to start asking Z trains some questions.
Queens bound W trains are in search of the man who killed their father. Once they find him, they will resume normal service.
B trains do not run late nights or on the weekends. This isn’t new, we’re just reminding you.
Astoria Ditmars Blvd bound N trains are not stopping at Astoria Ditmars Blvd.
Trains? Never heard of them. We don’t have any of those here. Please go away.
J trains will not be accepting passengers from New Jersey until further notice.