Every 2020 Democratic Contender Summed Up in a Limerick

Joe Biden
With his war vote he’s no Dalai Lama
And his gaffes never fail to start drama
But when Joe turns that grin on
He’s hoping he’ll win on
How much we’re all missing Obama

Kamala Harris
If Biden continues his flailing
It’s not hard to see Harris prevailing
Her oration’s quite deft
But one ask from the left:
Did you have to do quite so much jailing?

Elizabeth Warren
For each issue domestic or foreign
There’s a plan that’s been hatched by Liz Warren
But despite her great journey
She isn’t named Bernie
A value that some folks put more in

Bernie Sanders
His supporters will call you a hater
If you say that there’s anyone greater
But if old leftists ranting
You find so enchanting
There’s ten more just like him at Seder

Beto O’Rourke
He entered as such a strong player
Then he waffled around single-payer
Why’d his votes have to vanish?
He campaigned in Spanish!
Don’t drop him for some small-town mayor

Pete Buttigieg
As a well-spoken Harvard collegian
From a useful political region
His particular stances
Don’t impact his chances
But hey, he speaks fluent Norwegian

Amy Klobuchar
Her performance has so far been pallid
Though she swears her credentials are valid
With her Midwestern grace
She fits well in this race
Like a comb fits in well with a salad

Cory Booker
With talents articulatory
He presents a quite dazzling story
But you won’t get good karma
From siding with pharma
Which poses some trouble for Cory

Kirsten Gillibrand
As Gillibrand struggles to grapple
Her chances of closing the gap ’ll
Most likely be fleeting
But hey she’s still beating
The other choice from the Big Apple

Bill de Blasio
In a field that did not need expansion
Came a rumbling from Gracie Mansion
To express the displeasure
That came from this measure
Requires a great feat of scansion

Jay Inslee
Against climate change Jay wages battle
It’s a cause where we’re easy to rattle
But without making new points
It’s hard to shift viewpoints
That he’s better off in Seattle

Andrew Yang
His UBI plan deserves credit
And a handful of voters have said it
But before the convention
I hope that they mention
You need more than upvotes on Reddit

Julian Castro
In this race he’s been far from the nexus
Which must wear on a man’s solar plexus
It’s an uphill campaign
But at least he’ll remain
The more qualified option from Texas

Tulsi Gabbard
To oppose more US intervention
Is a cause that’s worth giving some mention
But with votes to be cast
It’s her anti-gay past
That’s more likely to draw the attention

John Hickenlooper
The field keeps on growing, oh brother
And each one seems the same as another
For a campaign to work
You need some stand-out quirk
Like that time you watched porn with your mother

Michael Bennet
What to say about dear Michael Bennet
Who has not a distinguishing tenet
While I’m sure he’s okay
One quick thought if I may
Why can’t people just stay in the senate?

John Delaney
It does not mean your memory’s grainy
If you often forget John Delaney
His polling’s so distant
The odds are consistent
With Democrats picking Dick Cheney

Eric Swalwell
It’s hard to say things have gone all well
For the team that’s behind Eric Swalwell
With each god-awful zinger
He goes through the wringer
It’s doubtful for him the chips fall well

Tim Ryan
It’s been difficult getting some buy in
For the candidacy of Tim Ryan
His staunch rust belt credo
Might win him Toledo
But elsewhere it’s disqualifyin’

Steve Bullock
While his base is by no means a vast one
In Montana, I hear, he’s amassed one
But his most well-known trait
For the second debate
Is the fact he was cut from the last one

Marianne Williamson
Her credentials are certainly shaky
But it’s clear that America’s achy
For a moral revival
But not the arrival
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New Yorker, Yale ‘18, programmer, musician, writer, occasional stand-up comedian

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