Some words conjure up strong feelings, whether it’s due to varying opinions about their (mis)usage, strange spelling, or some other argument-provoking attribute. I selected the most controversial word for each letter of the alphabet, and they are as follows:

A lot
Now hold on…isn’t this supposed to be a list of individual words?

Twice a week and every two weeks are both too often to spend trying to decipher this one.

If to “assume” is to make an ass out of you and me, I can only assume to “canvass” is to make an ass out of whoever decided…

When Victoria and Joseph Byrne first started toying with the idea of leaving the city, the last place on their radar was Townville.

“Joseph and I never thought we were going to be those people that gave up on the city,” Victoria explained, “but when the pandemic hit and we found ourselves trapped with a two-year-old and a four-year-old in a three-bedroom flex, we realized it might be time to abandon our beloved neighborhood of Upper Pricington.”

After about seven minutes of discussion, Victoria and Joseph decided they wanted to relocate. “I never thought it would be important for my…

I’ve listened to Billy Joel sing “I’ve seen the lights go out on Broadway” a thousand times, but I couldn’t picture it until I saw the lights go out at Cigarville. Cigarville is the first thing you notice when you look out the window of my apartment. When I first moved in, I remember my Dad saying sarcastically, “Look, you’re right across the street from Cigarville.” It’s not an especially useful store to have across the street given that I don’t smoke.

The storefront is an eye-catching addition to the north side of Fourteenth Street between Fifth and Sixth. Above…

The EMIR who went to ETON said AHA to James AGEE
“Point your EPEE O’ER toward ERIN and we all can sail ALEE”

Brian ENO drove an EDSEL; Arthur ASHE, a GTO
Raced from ASTI down to AGRA beating ASNER and DAFOE

“My ETUI contains an ATRA,” said the AGA to the ROI
That’s when ODIE said to ASTA, “this AIOLI is A TOI!”

Now the ONE L who’s in ONE A met the SUPE in MMI
Back when OLAF ate his OLEO and ELSA taught ELHI

If your I BEAM needs a T NUT then call OSHA, do it…

Joe Biden
With his war vote he’s no Dalai Lama
And his gaffes never fail to start drama
But when Joe turns that grin on
He’s hoping he’ll win on
How much we’re all missing Obama

Kamala Harris
If Biden continues his flailing
It’s not hard to see Harris prevailing
Her oration’s quite deft
But one ask from the left:
Did you have to do quite so much jailing?

Elizabeth Warren
For each issue domestic or foreign
There’s a plan that’s been hatched by Liz Warren
But despite her great journey
She isn’t named Bernie
A value that some folks put more in…

Act III, Scene 1. Lights come up on TEVYE sitting in DR BAUMBERGER’s office on Thirty-Ninth and Park. It is his first visit.

Why don’t you start at the beginning.

It all started in a little village called Anatevka. You see, I have five daughters.


Well, two of them are extraneous.

I see.

Anyway, each of my three daughters presented me with a romantic predicament that called into question my faith and my commitment to tradition.

That sounds very difficult.

Oh it was. On the one hand, this…

Linked lists and hash tables, git and subversion
Writing a depth-first search using recursion
Integers, booleans, doubles, and strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Constant time lookups and CPU caching
Memory access with minimal thrashing
Open addressing and buffers with rings
These are a few of my favorite things

List comprehensions and type declarations
Haskell’s compile-time optimizations
Functions as pure as the joy each one brings
These are a few of my favorite things

When my code halts, when it segfaults
Or just doesn’t run
I simply remember my favorite things
And that makes my job more fun

They say there are only two hard things in computer science — cache invalidation and naming things. And how’s an honest coder supposed to name a variable when there are so many conventions to choose from? At long last, I present to you the ultimate guide to case conventions in programming, so that you can stop agonizing about names and go back to doing machine learning on the blockchain or whatever.

You should use camelCase for:

  • Functions
  • Methods
  • Subroutines
  • The occasional wayward proc
  • Even integers
  • Null pointers
  • Pointers to 0x007f8cba
  • Floating points that don’t add up correctly
  • Bits
  • Bytes
  • Booleans
  • Bugs
  • Bezos
  • Friend classes
  • Protected…

A few years ago, I started to notice something strange about my behavior. It all began one day in a creative writing class. My professor was explaining the difference between flat and round characters. Flat characters, she told us, were predictable stock characters who always behaved the way the reader expected. Round characters, on the other hand, had depth and complexity. They could not be reduced to a stereotype. This seemed like an interesting bit of literary theory, so I put it in my back pocket.

About a week later, I was eating bagels and lox and talking to my…

Dear Rockville High School Parents,

Despite recent movements toward the legalization of marijuana, I encourage you to remind your kids that experimenting with marijuana is still dangerous, as it is a gateway drug to more harmful activities. Teens who use marijuana are increasingly likely to purchase it on the internet using the cryptocurrency Bitcoin. In fact, recent studies have shown that not only are marijuana users using Bitcoin to purchase drugs, but the vast majority of them also consider Bitcoin to be “a sound investment.”

While marijuana is generally known to be safe for recreational use, the dangers of Bitcoin…

Julian Rosenblum

New Yorker, Yale ‘18, programmer, musician, writer, occasional stand-up comedian

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